DEIDARA: Your Owner's Guide
by Prnkstr4Lfe
Summary: Thank you for ordering our DEIDARA unit! We hope your purchase ends with a bang.


**AN: I finally decided to do another one. Sorry for the big wait, but I was side tracked by another anime. -.-' The information gets redundant, but the real fun starts when you get to the Shipping Container.**

**I don't own Naruto. Oh, and slight SPOILER ALERT.**

**CONGRATULATIONS!**

You are now the proud owner of one of our most popular units, the DEIDARA. The warranty on this unit expires when the first explosion happens. It won't be far away.

**BASIC INFORMATION:**

**Name: **DEIDARA

**Age: **19

**Gender:** Male (do not be fooled)

**Manufacturer: **Iwagakure S-ranked Criminals, Inc.

**Height: **166 cm

**Weight: **50.8 kg

**ACCESSORIES**

1 Rock Missing-Nin Hitai-Ate

1 Akatsuki 'Blue' Ring

2 Akatsuki Cloaks

1 Weapons Pouch

1 Clay Pouch

2 Ponytail Holders

2 Pairs of White Legwarmers

2 Pairs of Navy Sandals

2 Pairs of Navy Pants

2 Navy Blue Shirts (with fishnet)

**REMOVAL FROM SHIPPING CONTAINER**

Now that you have gotten your DEIDARA, the first step is to remove him from the box. You will notice that the box is made up of some non-flammable material (the makers aren't exactly sure what it is yet, but it works). This will prevent the DEIDARA from setting the box on fire and escaping. When he is released, you will probably notice several scorch marks on the inside of the box and on the DEIDARA himself.

There are several ways that could convince your DEIDARA to exit his box. The one that is most reliable is that DEIDARA gets extremely impatient. It is most likely that the minute the box opens he will jump out. When this happens, however, you must make sure that the DEIDARA doesn't see you as a threat (or annoyance).

If you have a particularly stubborn DEIDARA (which is not uncommon), then you will need to find some way to lure him out. The most effective way is to talk about art being fleeting. He will probably burst from the box and happily agree with you. If this way is necessary, you will have already started on the right foot with him.

The last way would be having a SASORI unit available. Your DEIDARA listens to this unit, although reluctantly. However, if you use this method the DEIDARA and SASORI will argue constantly, even if the SASORI is only borrowed.

**PROGRAMMING**

Once the DEIDARA is out of his box, he will reach into a pouch on his hip once he sees you. If you used the second method of getting him out, he will already respect you (somewhat). If you act fast enough and take the pouch away, or if it has fallen off in the box, then negotiation may work.

Either way you do it, once you are mutual terms with the DEIDARA you are able to set rules. We recommend the first be no art indoors. Or around people. Or pets. Or anywhere other than some vacant area.

NOTE: We are not responsible for any deaths related to this rule not being specified.

**PROGRAMS**

DEIDARA, as any other unit, comes with several modes. Certain situations may activate certain modes.

S-Ranked Criminal: The DEIDARA, along with every other AKATSUKI unit, comes with this program already activated. On the bright side, you can get that brand new car you've always wanted.

Artist: Are you low on cash? Your DEIDARA is an amazing artist, and will bring in a storm of money. You might want to make it non-refundable, though.

Pilot: Although it may be unconventional, your DEIDARA will be able to fly you anywhere you desire on his clay birds. There must be something in it for him, though.

**MODES**

Pyromaniac_ (Default)_

Impatient _(Default)_

Arrogant _(Default)_

Hateful

Clinically Insane _(Locked)_

Out Of Character _(Locked)_

Smug

Disrespectful

Drunk

Annoyed

The DEIDARA unit comes with the Pyromaniac, Impatient, and Arrogant modes in default. With this in mind, it would be helpful to make most things in your house inflammable, and to be able to take insults with a grain of salt. But, if it makes you happy, DEIDARA makes a good partner to have a sarcasm battle with.

His Hateful mode can be triggered by several things. The most usual being catching sight of a UCHIHA model. Another trigger can be talking to a HIDAN model, which will most likely result in a yelling match.

His Smug mode can be triggered when your DEIDARA meets with a GAARA, a NARUTO, and a SASORI unit. When in Smug mode, DEIDARA will boast about his art in a way that cannot be stopped unless certain 'things' happen.

DEIDARA's Disrespectful mode comes out mostly in an argument about art with a SASORI unit. Nothing particularly bad happens during these, although your DEIDARA may be close to getting poisoned.

The Drunk mode may cause you enjoyment, because a drunk DEIDARA is a hilarious DEIDARA. Feel free to laugh while he stumbles about, but be worried about the hangover and the temper that comes with it. You might want to put his clay and weapons pouch in a safe place.

DEIDARA's Annoyed mode is most prominent when he is around a TOBI unit. Putting these two units together may put the TOBI's life in danger.

The Clinically Insane mode is unlocked when your DEIDARA sees a Shippuden SASUKE model. They will fight, and your DEIDARA will result in turning his own body into a piece of 'art'. With DEIDARA, art means explosion.

The Out Of Character mode can be unlocked by showing your DEIDARA those fanfictions that always seem to have him playing the girl. Most of the times, seeing these can confuddle poor DEIDARA's brain so much that it just fizzles out. Other times, he just gets really angry.

**RELATIONSHIPS**

SASORI: The SASORI unit is often referred to as 'Master' by DEIDARA. Despite the arguments, he still respects SASORI as a fellow artist, even if he doesn't think his version of art is the real thing.

HIDAN: Often times HIDAN amuses himself with calling DEIDARA a female. This is also quite funny to watch, especially if DEIDARA gets agitated enough to go for the clay.

TOBI: To your DEIDARA, a TOBI is the annoying little brat that is trying to take the place of the SASORI. TOBI will constantly annoy your DEIDARA, calling him sempai. Putting these two together will result in yelling and possible threats to TOBI's life.

ITACHI: DEIDARA holds a grudge against the ITACHI unit, because he was defeated with his own art due to the Sharingan™.

PEIN: PEIN is the leader of the entire AKATSUKI unit, which, once again, should not be placed under the same roof unsupervised. DEIDARA listens to PEIN's orders decently, not normally arguing. Out loud, anyway.

**CLEANING**

Your DEIDARA, being rather flirty, may request help with his cleaning. You may turn that into what you wish. Just remember that DEIDARA likes things to end with a bang. That might not be the in way you're thinking, though.

**ENERGY**

DEIDARA is human, and therefore needs food on a daily basis. He is slightly picky though, so it is better to ask him what he wants rather than guess. The consequences of asking are not our concern, so you're on your own.

It is also necessary to keep a supply of clay on hand. Not just normal clay. This can be order on our website. If you don't want to order any, we won't be attending your funeral.

**FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS**

Q: My DEIDARA has mouths on his hands! Is this a defect?

A: … What kind of fan are you? No, this isn't a defect. It is completely normal… as normal as he can get, anyway.

Q: Okay, does my DEIDARA have some sort of brain damage? He keeps saying un at the end of his sentences.

A: This is fine. DEIDARA has a speech impediment, or habit, that causes him to say it. Besides, that is part of his charm, no?

Q: I got my DEIDARA out of the box, but he glared at me and then walked out of the house! What did I do wrong?

A: Were you squealing? That tends to be an annoyance to people.

**TROUBLESHOOTING**

PROBLEM: Your DEIDARA is constantly wincing in pain and looking at his hands. He is looking in his clay pouch as well.

SOLUTION: This is why you need to order extra clay. If DEIDARA's hand mouths don't eat something, clay, then your DEIDARA will pay the consequences. You might want to hurry.

PROBLEM: Your DEIDARA is stalking your best friend's GAARA.

SOLUTION: DEIDARA, and if there is a SASORI around, will eventually capture and bring the GAARA to the rest of the AKATSUKI set. If you do not want this to happen, then you should move. Quickly.

**FINAL NOTES**

Following these instructions will ensure to a mildly injury-free life with you DEIDARA. Those injuries could be to you or him. Just keep a fire extinguisher on hand, and don't act anything like a TOBI. You should be fine.

NOTE: We still aren't responsible for any injuries.

**A/N: I liked the HIDAN one better… but here it is! I'm not sure who I want to do next… Message me with an idea. It could be anyone, although I would have trouble with most of the girls.**

**I hope you enjoyed, and don't forget to review! **


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